I so wish I could be like my hubby. He handles life so differently to me. I know that in the past I have accused him of being so laid back that he is alomost unconcious but there are times I would give my eye teeth for that ability to just let things wash over me.

I, on the other hand, think too much. “What if…….” Analyse every scenario. Think about this angle and that angle. Get myself all tied up and anxious over possible scenarios that have not even happened yet and may not even happen.

Why can I not practice what I preach and just once and for all realise that God has it all planned and that He will sort it out? Why do I continue to beat myself up about things over which I have no control?

I need to review my “mantra”………………

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Now that my Mother-in-law has moved into a Nursing home, we are faced with the fact that we have to sell their house to pay for the fees. Now I could go off on a tangent, relevant but none the less a tangent, and rant on about the unfairness of the system but that will not change anything. This is how it is and so this is how it shall be.

We have made a start at sorting things out there and today we went over and had a bit of a sort out of the garden shed and garage where we still had stuff stored that never quite made it over to our new house when we moved. Big bulky things like Owen’s surf board and fishing things and their bikes and several other bags and boxes of stored stuff.

Well, we took some stuff to the dump, and loaded as much as we could in the estate car, bikes on the bike rack on the back and surf board on the top - it looked like we were all packed up and ready to go on holiday - wish we had been rather than just making the 15 minute journey from there to our new house.

While we were there we sat in the garden and drank a cup of tea. Roger mowed the lawn and and I shed a few tears as I remembered happier times. I could not get rid of the image of my Father in law in his green house or tending the roses, or my Mother in law hanging washing on the line. Or sitting round that very table with them and drinking tea. Just little things like that.

The garden is sadly much neglected, there are weeds amongst the flowers, the bind weed and ivy are invading the shrubs and there are brambles amongst the roses. But, after Roger had mown the lawn, and I had freed some of the roses from their invaders, and dead-headed those blooms that had gone over, we sat listening to the birdsong and the silence - yes you can hear silence - try it sometime - and I came to a more peaceful place.

I took these photos on my ‘phone camera and was heartened to find at least one rose that was blooming proudly and beautiful amongst the ivy.

“To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die” - Thomas Cameron

I was reminded recently of some words about parenting that I had used here in the past and I actually put them on FB. One or two of thes points have been flitting through my mind recently, triggering off memories - mainly memories and events that I wish I had handled better, or did not actually follow my own advice…. but then I suppose none of us are perfect and hindsight is that wonderful but frustrating thing and I don’t think there is a parent on this earth that has not wished they had had it’s benefit at one time or another.

Then I got to thinking about some of the more positive things, the laughs, the jokes, the games and the love… oh yes, the love.

These are the words

Give your presence more than your presents. Laugh, dance and sing together. Listen from a heart-space. Encourage. Understand. Allow them to love themselves. Say yes as often as possible. Say no when necessary. Honour their no’s. Apologize. Touch gently. Build lots of blanket forts. Open up.

Let them go when it’s time. Let them come back. Show compassion. Bend down to talk to children. Smile even when you’re tired. Surprise with a special lunch. Don’t judge their friends. Give them enough room to make decisions. Love all they do. Honour their differences. Respect them. Remember they have not been on earth very long.

The five words that start the last paragraph are the ones that are buzzing round my brain at the moment though- Let them go when it’s time

One chick in my nest is oh so ready to fledge and jump out… and come September I fully expect him to be soaring the skies on his own. And those skies are beckoning to him and calling him by name and offer such opportunity that he will grab and relish with excitement. The other chick is growing fast, and though her flight feathers are not fully developed yet, in a year or two, she will also be making those first tentative flights away from the safety of the nest and start to make her way in the big wide world.

And I have to start to let them go even though I want them to stay safely gathered under my wings. I know this. And I am trying. And there are times, when my caring is seen as fussing and I so do try not to do that… but. And there in lies the nub. But. I am a mother. Full stop.
So I am, in my own way, starting to let go. Trying anyway.

Gradually.
In small steps, I am facing up to this.
One. Two. Three. Breathe.

One step at a time.

I was feeling a little sorry for myself at the weekend. The weather was wet and it was colder than it had been for a while and not being out and about as much as we have been recently, contributed to me feeling a little low. I had also been turned down for a part time job that I had been interviewed for, and, even though I know in my heart of hearts that there will be something good to come out of having my working week cut to two days, I was, I have to admit, well on my way to a pity party…

But, some years back, after a long struggle, I learned that we are able to control the way we feel and we have within us the power to actively change the way we look at life and this has helped keep me away from depression and helped me become a far more positive and optimistic person.

In order to do this, I find great comfort in focussing on the good things we have and not allowing the bad things to take over.

Some years ago, I came across this and I find it helpful.. sometimes you just forget how much we actually have to be grateful for.

I thought that you may like it too…

Remember that your presence is a present to the world.

Remember that miracles can still happen.

Photo by Barbara Harrison - please do not use without permission

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”
Matthew 11:28

The weather here over the last two weeks has been beautiful.

Roger and I have always taken the opportunity to spend time in our beautiful countryside and are both finding great joy and restoration in taking little trips around out locality.

And when the weather is fine, and we can take Roger’s car which has a soft top, and we can pottle around exploring with the wind in our hair and the sun on our faces, we find that life is really not that bad after all and provides just the escape and diversion that is needed after the last few stressful weeks.

So here is a little taster…

may4.jpg

This is my second attempt at uploading these photos so this will be enough for the moment.

Beautiful scenery, beautiful weather and quality time with my beloved…… what a blessing indeed.

You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your
back,
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes,
love and go on.
David Harkins

Just a quick thank you.

Wrapped up in Funeral Arrangements and the like.

So very little spare time for sitting in front of this screen.

Roger is being strong - not that I expected him to be any other way - but Harry (FIL) had come to the end and so wanted rest and, having been suffering with dementia for the last six months which I know has been hard for everyone, but Roger, in particular, has always been very close to his dad and I think that he feels that over the last few months his dad has only been a hollow shell of the man who was his Dad. In a way, his grieving process has been ongoing over the last year. I know that the grieving process is all part of the healing but that will take time. Meanwhile he knows that I am here for him when he needs me.

Now it looks like there has to be a Post Mortem so lots going on at the moment..

Will keep you posted.

As you all will know, Roger’s Dad has been ill for the last few years.

He has never really recovered from the Stroke he had some five or so years ago, and for the last year he has been very frail and poorly.

His mother has Alzheimers and for the last year they have been apart for the first time in 60 years of marriage.

He was in hospital for six months last year and has spent the last six months in a Nursing Home close to home as he has been too ill and frail for us to continue to care for him at home.

At Christmas we had a call from the staff to say that they thought that his time was short and we spent the night there waiting for the end. Unbelievably he rallied through, and though he has not been at all well, he has been having good and bad episodes since.

Sadly, it looks like this may be his time and Roger is with him at the moment. Perhaps he will rally round again. Perhaps he will not.

I would ask that you hold Roger in your prayers and thoughts and Harold too, as if this is the time of his passing, that it is peaceful and dignified as befits the passing of our lovely gentle 88 year old Father/Father in Law/Grandfather.

Even though Roger does not share my faith, I know that he will be strengthened by the thoughts and prayers coming his way.

12.30am - Harold died peacefully.

We changed our clocks last night by putting them forward an hour…..

Lighter nights beckon and, with the blossom blooming and the bulbs burgeoning, I think we can safely say that

Spring has Sprung…….hooray…..

Now I need to find some lambs!!!

49 years young today!!!